Can I sleep over? : Couples who spend the night

15 Jun

A couple of weeks ago, I asked a question on twitter (Plug-Follow me: @erikathequeen). Should Christian couples spend the night together? I received a plethora of responses. Some people said that it was fine and that it all depended on the strength of the relationship and the ability to withstand temptation. One of my followers explained…

 “For me, it’s not just a question of a relationship with God and tolerance, etc. It’s also about sacredness of marriage. We’ve been so desensitized, many things that were once reserved for marriage, you can do with your fiancé, your boyfriend, your boo or the dude you’re just talking to. I love the fact that my husband and I were able to say after our marriage that we had so many ‘firsts’ together. The first time we slept in the same bed, first time we took a trip together, our first Christmas we had together, etc… It was special because we reserved it for our marriage.”

This was one of the things that make you go ‘uuummm’. It made me ponder on what I would do in this situation. If I were in a real relationship, would I sleep in the same bed as my boyfriend/fiancé? I remembered that Tyler Perry movie (I really don’t like TP except for the Christian themes) Diary of a Mad Black woman, and how Shemar Moore and Kimberly Elise spent the night together. It seemed super harmless and no sexual encounters transpired.

I think of the times I spent the night over someone’s house, well just one man’s house. He was my best friend and in my mind, it was totally harmless. Yet, I kept it secret from certain people because I knew that they would say something that would condemn me of ‘sleeping’ with him. People in my circle knew him and they also know he was straight and single too. Looking back, I know I could have stayed at another friends house but I didn’t see a difference. We were friends. The reason I am explaining this story is because I think at the crux of the issue is what does it say to others about your Christian walk.

1 Thessalonians 5:22

King James Version (KJV)

 22Abstain from all appearance of evil.

When I get into a relationship, this would be something my partner and I must discuss. I do not feel like I can even answer this question until I am in a relationship. Because it does way heavily on the couple’s values, standards and overall view of this hot topic. I strongly believe couples SHOULD NOT live together before marriage. Couples should NOT have sex before marriage. Period. The End. But What about vacationing together? Will you sleep in the same bed? What about just crashing at your partners place? I would love to hear what you all think….


Love Hard. Live Harder

The Queen


2 Responses to “Can I sleep over? : Couples who spend the night”

  1. LaToya Archibald June 15, 2011 at 5:01 PM #

    Great post! Glad you mentioned avoiding the appearance of evil so that you don’t stumble, but also because you don’t want to cause anyone else to do so either. That being said, it’s not going down. No need for us to see each others rooms, unless he’s helping me move out and into OUR new home as husband and wife. Life is too short, sex actually happens and it changes things. Don’t want to put myself or my man (i don’t have one but I’m EXTREMELY hopeful) in a position where WE might stumble. Sooo we won’t get down like that. If we REALLY want to have a sleepover we’re getting married. Thanks for asking E!

    Love what you’re doing!

  2. De June 16, 2011 at 9:50 PM #

    Honestly, I think I grew up just thinking/knowing some things shouldn’t be done or were wrong, but it wasn’t until the last few years that I began to really think about things and WHY they shouldn’t be done. I think this one reminds me of 1 Corinthians 10:23. It is something that may not be beneficial. I think temptation is great enough on its own..and I think spending the night adds to it unnecessarily. I also agree with both you and LaToya on the whole avoiding the appearance of evil thing. I know we aren’t living life for other people, but you also want to be aware that something doesn’t ‘taint your witness’. Not in the sense of you shouldn’t do anything, but I just think if…I read somewhere..I think, that it said if what we are going to do will negatively affect the name of Christ in any way, maybe we shouldn’t do it. And I think that applies here.

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